Sometimes I have days were I just feel shitty. Not really like emotionally or mentally. I can't really explain it but I get a look in a mirror and just feel gross. Or when I step on the scale and it tells me I have gained weight despite my best or at least half assed efforts.
I don't like admitting it but I know that I don't eat the most healthy food. I have an issues turning down fries and diet soda. Though I don't like fries. When it comes to a fast food meal I could take them or leave them. So I thought well if I can take them or leave them why not just leave them cut them out for good. And you know what happened...I stopped eating fries and I stopped drinking any type of soda...I lost 10 pounds I was down to the lowest I had seen in years. Then for some stupid reason I started eating those foods again. Why?! I have no clue. But I gained back what I had lost.
Today is a day I feel gross or disgusting. Am I the biggest person in the world..no not by a long shot. Is this the body I want forever HELL NO! I hate that I don't like to be in pictures. I don't want my whole life to be wasted hiding from the camera.
People say wow you look thinner. Well I know that the scale says I have gained weight but I suppose that my inches have gone down a bit. But you know what I still look in the mirror and just want to go wow what the heck. Why did I let myself get to this point. Why at some point along the road didn't I slam the heck on the breaks throw it in reverse and get back to a healthy weight. I need major support but I don't have the money for meetings and the people I tend to lean on either fall off the wagon or don't care as much as I do. Or worse yet I end up being their biggest cheerleader and they lose 40lbs and I am still stuck.
blkfjalkfjkafjkd that about somes it up.
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